LCS: A Home away from Home

Apr 2020

I would not have the courage to study in a boarding school without my painful and fruitful experience in the Boston camp. Since then, I began to make preparations to apply for high schools in Canada and was luckily accepted by my dream school at Lakefield College School. Although I thought I have been well prepared for any possible difficulties, I still underscored the barriers sitting in front of me.

It was a chilly morning in the fall, standing by the waterfront of the campus, I, a 14-year-old boy, was about to begin my journey at Lakefield College School. At first, I was fascinated by its unspeakably beautiful scenery and the heart-stirring zest, walking slowly in the wonderland full of green and laughter. Feeling the comforting breeze while looking down the rippling waterfront, I felt I must have travelled to heaven on earth.

However, I was prepared for the unforeseen difficulties ahead that I would surely have to face all by myself. I was prepared for the so-called culture shock when a foreigner is sure to endure. But I was not prepared for the intense feeling of fear and loneliness I had never experienced, or more accurately felt in the first few days of my Boston Camp. Entering my house, or home away from home, I was busy unpacking my stuff clumsily. When I finally finished wrapping and cramming everything, I lay down on the bed, trying to think about my amazing high school life that was about to begin. But when the night fell, the twilight turning to a deep blackness, I couldn’t fall asleep. I felt like the mattress was full of needles that made me itchy, and the light breeze turned into wind whistling through the window.

I was desperately struggling, restlessly awake. Everything around me was like a bug biting my sleep. The happiness of looking forward to my new life suddenly turned into a struggle in my mind. I asked myself what if I had no friends here? What if nobody likes me? I asked myself millions of stupid questions like this that night until the first rays of the morning sun passed through the window. I tried to assure myself the unusual night was the result of an exhausted and exciting first day in a new place. However, the same thing happened the following nights. I couldn’t understand why I was abandoned by the sleep when I was dying to have a sweet dream. It might be the jetlag, I told myself.

Not soon, I realized jetlag was not the harshest challenge, the most dangerous enemy was me, myself. I gradually lost my mood for fun, my appetite for food, and my interest to go outside in the daytime as I gradually lost my sleep overnight. I had been a day student ever since my very first day of Grade 1. Being a border was definitely an unknown part of the world for me. I was so used to starting my day by walking downstairs to eat my warm breakfast and getting a ride to the school. But now, I had to “wake up” in the morning after a half-sleep night and walk daydreaming to the dining hall to have a cold breakfast. Even my favourite pancake tasted like a soaking wet bagel.

The only “good” news to me in the first two weeks was that my head of house told me my roommate who didn’t show up these days for some reason would not come. I was kind of glad since I became the only Grade 9 who had a single room. Was it a blessing that I could have my own private space and wouldn’t be disturbed by someone else? However, I didn’t expect that having a single room was the last straw which pushed me to the infinite loneliness and boredom. I had no one to talk to before bedtime, and much worse, had no mood for talking either during the day. Studying in a place full of “strangers” really freaked me out in the beginning.

I was pretty quiet during the orientation days, cheerlessly doing games and a random bunch of things that I couldn’t remember since my eyes were almost half-closed all day. I was more stressed to see the other freshmen starting hanging out with new friends while I was still alone. Obviously, nobody wanted to make friends with an absent-minded and dull boy. I wouldn’t either.

Then, why not do something to make a change? Who was my enemy, I started to think it over. Was it the jetlag? I tried melatonin and it worked like a miracle. Was it the homesickness? I tried to go out and talk with the other Chinese boys about our pastime and favourite movies. It made me feel much better and less lonely. Was it because of my not-so-fluent English? After winning my sleep back, I found my tongue worked more cooperatively and I even started to have some small talks with classmates from all over the world. Then, what was I fearing? I tried to figure it out.

The deeper I explored, the more confused I became. Actually, I didn’t know what on earth I was afraid of. Even when I began to get accustomed to my boarding life over 7 thousand miles away from home, I was still lacking a feeling of security. The good thing was after so many sleepless nights I started to reflect on what kind of life I was looking forward to. I wouldn’t allow myself to feel regret for not trying hard to live the best when I have blessed such a valuable chance.

In our house meeting, our head of house told us the importance of stepping out of our comfort zones to try something new and make new friends. Suddenly, I came to realize the thing I feared most was the unknown. If life is always full of uncertainty and challenge, why should I withdraw and want to find shelter? Instead, I should step forward to experience a new life! After that, I decided to talk more, play more, and hang out more in the common room.

Greatly encouraged, I started to try more new games when the winter finally came, skating, skiing, and winter outdoor rec, which were definitely the highlights of my first year at Lakefield.

As I recollect the joy and sorrow of my first days in high school, I fully understand why people say life is a process of self-discovery and fearless exploration. In this sense, the fears I had harboured in my first few days in high school are truly a treasure in my life, for I won’t be so courageous without overcoming so many fears. Those first few days in LCS had become the unforgettable part of my memory, and I am now, more fearless than ever, right on my journey.