Swimming: The Bless of A Childhood Nightmare

Feb 2020

In my earliest memories that I can remember, the first obstacle I am faced with is learning to swim. It is once my most horrible nightmare but it turns out to be the first hurdle I have jumped over in my journey of overcoming difficulties and obstacles.

When I was 4 years old, my dad brought me to the swimming pool in the neighbourhood. I had been always longing for that moment of swimming in the water like a fish, however, I was scared when I saw the deep pool. As my dad urged me to jump into the deep blue pool, I became more and more nervous and scared. Then, all of a sudden, my dad picked me up and threw me into the water. The world around me got entirely shut down, and I could only hear my heart pounding and my breath gasping. Suddenly, just like a flash of lightning, my scream for help soaring through the water.

All that I can hear at that point was my helpless screaming. I was completely lost in the middle of nowhere, just like a spaceship lost its track and couldn’t find a way back. Feeling weightless and helpless, I smelt something strange, which was more like a mixture of soap and salt. Before I could close my mouth, the disgusting mixture pouring down through my throat. The smell of the swimming pool water make the disgustingness of vomiting come up to my mind, I felt almost choked by the bitterness of fear.

My tongue felt numb and my eyes felt tightened, sinking further deep into the endless pool. I felt unable to open my eyes and close my mouth. Feeling like stuck in a box, I couldn’t see any light coming through. Instinctively, my arms flopped up and down to strive for a life in the hope of bringing my body above the surface. I tried my best to escape from the invisible cage of water and float back to freedom.

As I struggled harder, more water running into my mouth, my nose, and my ear. I must have stopped screaming, for I can only hear the noise of the bubble, which was more like the scream of the devil. Almost breathless, I heard the sound of hope, whistleblowing and footsteps drumming. I was finally lifted up by my dad. The fear of water makes a few seconds feel like an hour. I held tightly around my dad’s neck and nobody could unlock them.

Having failed to encourage me to try again, my dad had to take me back home. Swimming became a nightmare after that day. I even tried every means to keep me away from the lakes and ponds which were everywhere in a riverside city I lived in.

Nobody expected me to get back to the pool until a long time later after the horrible experience. My friends were all enjoying swimming in the pool except me who sat beside the pool full of boredom. I decided to try one last time to defeat my nightmare of swimming. The familiar fear swept my back with a burst of coldness. I felt like screaming again, but the comforting hands of my mum made me relaxed. How I wish I could swim like my friends. I tried hard to focus on the skill of stroke and on the freedom of swimming like a fish. Later that day when we left, I could swim with one arm, another one holding my mum’s fingers. It was the first time that I learned I could control myself, both my body and my feeling. I learned to keep calm and focus on my actions no matter how fearful I felt.

My childhood nightmare of drowning keeps flooding back every time when I feel desperate and exhausted, however, I know for sure I can overcome it. Since I can take hold of myself as a 5-year-old boy, then, there will be nothing stopping me from trying to take the big jump into the water, across the canyon, and arrive at my destination.